(1.5-minute read)
Turning Sore Losers into Good Sports:Using Rewards to Build Positive Habits
When I teach kids red and green behaviors, such as being a sport instead of a sore loser, I define a red response to losing as yelling, pouting, throwing things, or quitting mid-game. A green response, on the other hand, includes staying calm, having positive, green thoughts, and congratulating others.
To encourage green behaviors, I offer VERY strong rewards to kids for losing a game with grace. They might earn additional checks or tickets for green thoughts like:
- “It was a fun game.”
- “I’m still a great kid even if I lost.”
- “I’m smart even if I lost the game.”
We also practice a chant/song to reinforce this mindset:
“It’s great to play, what a fun way, to spend the day.
Do I have to win? Must I always be in? NO!
I’m playing just for fun, Hurray!
My friends will want to stay, Yay!”
One parent asked me why I offer such strong rewards to their child for being a sport instead of simply punishing their sore-loser reactions. I explained that to break the habit of red behaviors, the reward for green behaviors must be greater than the child’s urge to engage in the old, negative, red ones. Over time, as the child practices staying calm and positive, the green response becomes second nature. At that point, the rewards are no longer needed.
The goal? Help kids enjoy the game, build lasting friendships, and develop essential social skills for life—regardless of who wins or loses.
Have a fun week!
And to all the families enjoying warm vacation spots right now, you picked the perfect time to escape—New York is in a deep freeze! Stay cozy or sunny, wherever you are!
Dr. Devora