(2-minute read)

Staying Connected with Your Tween or Teen:

More Ways to Strengthen Your Bond

In last week’s post, we explored the importance of truly listening to our tweens and teens—without judgment—rather than jumping in to preach, advise, or correct. This week, let’s dive into additional strategies.

Step #2: Validate and Acknowledge Their Perspective

Validation doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything your child says or that you have to take action based on what your child is saying—it simply means showing them that their thoughts, feelings, and wishes make sense from their perspective. (Do not vehemently tell them that you disagree, unless they plan to do something truly and objectively dangerous.)

???? What does this look like in practice?

If your child comes home complaining about their teacher, saying, “She’s so crazy!” don’t shut down the conversation with “We don’t speak like that.” Instead, be genuinely curious:

???? “What happened in class?” or “What did she do?”

If your child says, “She gave us a quiz on the entire chapter without telling us to study!” instead of lecturing about responsibility, acknowledge their frustration:

???? “So you were totally unprepared? That doesn’t feel fair!”

Your child might respond, “Exactly! She doesn’t even care about us!” When you nod and show you understand, they feel heard—making it more likely they’ll continue to share their experiences with you.

Remember, your child already knows your values. You don’t need to repeat that you disapprove of calling a teacher “crazy.”

By the way, you don’t have to say anything beyond the nodding. Get comfortable with a little silence.

???? A little tip: In Step #1 (Listening), you were the one nodding to show that you hear them. In Step #2 (Validation), they should be nodding, realizing that you “get” them.

Step #3: Create Special One-on-One Time

Once a week, set aside dedicated “Special Mommy/Daddy Time” with no interruptions.

???? Turn off your phone or silence notifications to show your child they have your full attention. This little gesture goes a looooong way!

???? Let them take the lead on activities. Sit down together and make a list of things they enjoy, then choose from that list each week.

This dedicated time tells your child: “You are important to me. I love spending time with you.”

By incorporating these small but meaningful strategies, you’ll create a home environment where your child feels heard, valued, and connected. Stay tuned for more insights next week!

With warmth,

Dr. Devora