(1-minute read)

Do I Love My Child More Because I Do Things For Her?

As parents, we often find ourselves wondering if doing things for our child is the ultimate act of love. When a 5-year-old begs to be fed, a 7-year-old wants you to dress him every morning, or a 10-year-old says, “I don’t know what to write!” and asks you to do the assignment for her, our instinct might be to step in and help. Especially if the child is the youngest in the family or if it feels like a hassle to get them to do what we ask, it might seem simpler to just do it for them. We rationalize, isn’t that what loving parents do?

But true love is about fostering independence, building resilience in our children, and helping them BE and FEEL mature and capable. Feeding or dressing a capable child or completing their homework might bring temporary relief from a likely tantrum, but it also sends an unintended message: “You’re not capable. You’re not mature. You can’t do this without me.” Instead, love means guiding them to discover and believe in their own abilities. It’s about saying, “I believe in you, you are mature, and I’ll support you while you figure this out.”

When we do things for kids, they feel and act immature, and then we wonder why they aren’t acting socially appropriate. By expecting them to act and do age-appropriate tasks, they naturally develop maturity and social skills that align with their peers. If we want our kids to develop good social skills, we need to foster their independence and age-appropriate behaviors as part of their growth.

Raising and loving our children isn’t just about easing today’s struggle; it’s about preparing them for tomorrow’s challenges. By encouraging effort, even when it’s hard, we teach independence, resilience, social skills, and self-confidence—the most enduring gifts we can give.

Now that’s real love!

Have an inspiring week!

Dr. Devora