(1.5-minute read)

Over the years, I’ve worked with many children who struggled to manage frustration and strong feelings. Instead of asking for what they needed, they “acted out” their emotions—spilling snack cabinets when they didn’t get the snack they wanted, ripping cards when they lost a game, or even lashing out physically when someone accidentally bumped into them. These behaviors weren’t random; they were desperate attempts to communicate with actions instead of words.

To help these children, I use a “Situation… I Can Say…” chart. It’s a simple tool that teaches kids exactly what words to use in tricky situations. During calm moments, we practice reading the situation and saying the right words.

With practice and rewards like praise or points, these words become second nature. When emotions run high, kids are more likely to use their words instead of resorting to destructive actions. It’s a simple yet powerful way to help children express themselves, and avoid the cycle of frustration, tantrums, and time-outs.

Below is a “Situation… I Can Say…” chart I used with a 7-year-old child to help him find the right words for various situations. Since he had been refusing to attend school, the chart also provided him with phrases to use when his mom left school progressively earlier over several weeks as part of his school reintegration process.

Helping children find the words they need can transform how they handle challenging emotions. Let’s keep giving kids the words they need to thrive!

Have a great week!

Dr. Devora